“Family is not always about blood, but it’s about the bond.”
May is a family month in South Korea. They celebrate “Children’s Day”, “Parent’s Day”, and “Teacher’s Day” in May. Despite that, the pandemic has changed the concept of family. It helped us to realize how important family is and what family really means. This feature might be more personal and full of emotions, but I hope you after reading this you can take care and think of your family more, no matter how hard it is.
Before I started the main point of this feature, I wanted to let you know that this is purely written by my own opinion with a help of my personal experience, watching Korean drama, and the Internet. First of all, I’ll start with my experience.
My nuclear family consisted of 4 (now there are only 3 of us). In Indonesia and Chinese culture, we also count the extended family too. Since my mom is the eldest daughter and the first child of seven, my family was obligated to take care of extended family stuff and she did it. Compared to my cousins, my brother and I are closer to my grandpa and late grandma. And here I am right now, living with my kid-like grandpa. (By the time I uploaded this blog, my grandpa has moved out from my house.)
As I’m writing this, I have an uncomfortable term with my extended family. Well, not openly. (It’s open now!) I prayed for them every day, even though I don’t really fond them as I used to be. As I grew older, I got to know “adult stuff” and it doesn’t always a good and happy one. As I’ve said before, my mom is the eldest daughter, so she used to take care of all of the family stuff and it feels like that my aunts and uncles put that responsibility to my dad and me (since my brother is out of the country). It’s not that I don’t like it, but they are should the one who took care of my old grandpa. They are his children, while I’m only a grandchild. After my mom passed away, I got to know how hard her life was and feel terrible for not being able to pay back her love fully. The saying “you never knew until you lost it” is really relatable to me as I never thought that my mom’s presence is this significant. She was the armor of our family and she’s been holding up by herself. The 3 of us didn’t realize it until we face this drama.
It sounded like a full of sentiments and anger, but it’s only the tip of my family drama. Since I don’t want to make it bigger, I just wanted to give you a picture that every family has its own drama. Whether you came from an individualistic or collectivist culture. Enough with the personal side story, I wanted to share some movies and Korean drama that helped me to understand the concept of a family.
I first watched this movie on the airplane and I was so terribly regretted to watch in-flight. I cried my heart out because this movie is very touching. It’s about two brothers that separated for years before because the bigger brother was in jail. When he was out of jail, he found out that his brother has lost his sight. One day, he found out that he has cancer. He tried to make us of his brother to be a Paralympic sportsman, so he can secure his future. A lot of mishaps might happen to you and your family, but eventually, we need each other. We had to have someone we can rely on.
This drama succeeds to make me cry every week. I cannot explain with words how this drama gave me console. Watching this drama is like having a tap on my back. Everyone has their own way to express their feeling of loose someone. Some might feel depressed, feel lonely, or try their best to move on. But one thing for sure, we will miss the person we lost. The drama portrays the love of a mother that has to leave her daughter and husband suddenly due to an accident. For 5 years, she was a ghost that always lingers around her daughter. One day, she was given a chance to be a real human for 49 days. The drama reveals how precious is your life and the person you love means.
This is the most recent drama in which you can watch it on Netflix. The drama included a fairytale that you might have heard before, so it’s pretty easy to follow. It might be a gothic drama, but actually, most of the fairytales were used to be cruel and have a dark storyline. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay or Psycho but Okay (literal translation) is about two brothers and a girl that had ill-fated relationships that turns out they cure each other wounds. The highlight of this drama is the bigger brother has a mental disability and had a phobia of butterflies. The younger brother is exhausted and really wants his brother to overcome his phobia. Over time, the younger brother met a psychopath fairytale writer, which turns out that they were met once when they were a kid. Actually, the writer had a lot of wounds from her childhood and she didn’t want to open herself up and ended up becoming a selfish human being. The drama tells us that everyone may have their own past stories that might not good, but there will be someone that will help you to overcome it. If you feel lonely, say that you are lonely. Again, this tells you that a family is not always a blood-related.
“If we take a family photo, we are a family” – Moon Sangtae
Disney Pixar always succeed to make me cry over an animation movie. Actually, the storyline was pretty simple, it’s about a curious Mexican young kid that ended up to the Land of the Dead. He wanted to prove that his love for music came down from someone in his family. In that Land of the Dead, he wanted to meet his idol and asked for help to convince his family that his music is good. He ended up unravel his family history. The movie includes Mexican culture that is identic with togetherness. Familia, they don’t take this word easily. “Mexican generally maintain strong links with the members of their extended family” (britannica.com). Every scene in this animation gave a clear example of a Mexican culture that I can relate pretty much. I was raised by my grandma and had a close relationship with her compared to my other cousins. This post pretty much summarizes what this movie all about. My favorite part? “Remember me.” Once you are bonded as a family, you shouldn’t forget them and you are always going to be that part of that family. Read more about the life quotes from Coco here.
This animation clearly shows that a family isn’t always about humans. You can build your own family with your pets or even your favorite toys. Even though it might be an extreme one, but the important thing is, anyone or anything can be your family. I cried my eyes out loud the most when I watched Toy Story 3. This is might a bit of a spoiler (if you haven’t watched it, please watch the movie right now), but I really cried after watching the scene where Andy says, “But the thing that makes Woody special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever. He’ll be there with you, no matter what happens.” Even when I’m writing this, my eyes were a bit teary. What Andy said really hit me hard. The quotes made me realize that I should be a person that will never leave someone out, especially a family. Andy gave his toys a new home, a new family that might take care of them better as Andy needs to carry on his life. But it doesn’t mean Andy and his toys are not a family anymore. Again, once you are a part of a family, you’ll always be one. Maybe not physically, but it will always stay in your heart.
I probably can say that this is the most sorrowful Korean movie that I've ever watch. Even though this is an old movie, but the storyline is still relatable to this day. The movie is about a mentally handicapped, single father that was sent to prison because of falsely accused. The inmates in cell number 7 helped that mentally handicapped inmate that was not able to be separated from his young daughter. No matter who you are, if you are sincere, there will be someone that will help you. Family is like that. You can see clearly that prison is not always a bad, sorrowful place. It’s a place where hopes started. The mentally handicapped inmates show to his inmates that there is a way and miracle can happen at anytime. The inmates create bonds among them and make them a family. The movie reminds you that family plays an important role in your life, no matter how hard the situation is. Even in very hard situations, you can find a new family. I really recommended you watch this movie, if you haven’t.
Again, the movie has a connection with a mentally handicapped character. I didn’t mean to choose similar characters and storyline, but every movie or drama have their distinctive concept about family. “Keys to the Heart,” tells about a long lost eldest son that finally reunited with his mother and finally meet his half-brother with down syndrome. Not enough with the harsh past, the eldest son lost his career as a boxer and had to take care of his brother since his mother has a chronic illness. I find this movie is very soothing, but also heartbreaking. I believe sometimes, people might have some ridiculous thoughts such as, why I was placed in this family? But I think it’s a very humane thought. Just, don’t dwell on it too long and find a way to reconcile with your family. The movie portrays how a situation could force you to stay with your family. Because they are the only treasure you have.
Well, the list might go on, but these movies and dramas pretty much cover-up the concept of family, which family is not always about blood (and talking about family will touch your inner heart and will make you cry A LOT). Friends or pets are the ones that we can choose as our family members. Bonds made us into a family. Talking about it, I am so glad that I have a little community that has the best bond. We respect and treat each other more than a friend or colleague, but a family. I think this community is one of the greatest gifts that God gave me. I’m thankful for them. Even now the members keep on growing. One of our members has got married and her husband is our new family member. Again, a family is not only about blood, it was beyond that.
As you can see on the list of recommendations, you might notice that most of them are Korean movies and dramas. It’s not because I like to watch Korean movies or dramas, but it’s because they portray the concept of a family the best. Korean culture stands for collectivism instead of individualism. Well, sometimes it can be burdensome since it also occurs at work too. As you might notice, in some Korean dramas or movies, they portrayed get-together-dinner a lot, which you cannot see in Western movies. This short scene shows the idea of collectivism, which “emphasizes the needs and goals of the group as a whole over the needs and desire of each individual” (verywellmind.com). One of the traits of collectivism is families and communities have the central role. But, since the world changes every second, this culture seems to be fading away. The new generation started to be more individualistic, which led to the crash between the older and new generations. I guess because of that kind of irony; they tend to bring up those kinds of storylines.
In Korea, there are two words for a family. One is ‘Gajok’ and the other one is ‘Sik-ku’. The difference can be seen if we took each character and match it to the Chinese characters (many Korean words rooted from Chinese characters). The broad meaning of ‘Gajok’ is blood-related people in the same roof (house). While ‘Sik-ku’ means people that eat together. Koreans prefer to use ‘Sik-ku’ more than ‘Gajok’ because we spent quite some time at the dining table (normally, we eat 3 times a day) and it occurs every day. So, how to get to know each other better is by eating together. While eating, you can talk and get to know each other. Whether you realize it or not, when we are compatible and feel comfortable with another person, we create bonds, which eventually we think them as part of our family member. Sometimes, even though you are blood-related, that doesn’t mean you know each other well. That’s why the word ‘Sik-ku’ is more preferable because it means friendlier than ‘Gajok’.
Well, we cannot choose our parents and which blood-line we have, but we can build our own family. People you love, people who know to treat you right. The rule of thumb is to have a happy life is to treat your precious relationships right. Well, I’m not in the position to say this since I had a bad term with my extended family now, but it taught me a lot and you might also learn something from me. No matter what, they are part of my family, so I’ll have to open my heart first. I tend to clear my mind and don't let the negativity hits me.
I accept the fact that there are many types of personalities in this world and it’s applied to your family members.
“We may have the difference, but nothing’s more important than family”
– Miguel.
Thank you, kiddo for saying that out loud. I’ll try my best to keep this on my mind. Like other relationships, it works only if both sides open their heart and making efforts of the relationship.
I’m sorry for the delay since I’m working nowadays. It drains my energy to the fullest and got things to sort out too. Didn’t plan that these features will be this long, but I hope this helped you. I’ll see you soon in my other post!
